so blessed.

Driving home after a night of babysitting, the thought hit me - I am so blessed.

Why am I blessed?

#1. I was accepted to CMU's Physical Therapy program! It's not my first choice school, but regardless of the rejection I received from GVSU and the decisions I am still waiting on, I will be attending PT school somewhere next year, and I will be one step closer to my goal! God is good.

#2. My roommate, friends and family are amazing. Through the ups and downs of this semester, so many people have been there to listen to me vent, to laugh with, to study with and to just bum around with. Even though Fall 2011 will go down in the books as "Suckiest Semester of College" ... without all of the amazing people in my life, it could have and would have been a lot worse.

#3. FINALS ARE DONE. IT'S CHRISTMAS BREAK. THANK YOU, LORD.

#4. I have some pretty awesome jobs. The library - easy work, fun people to work with. Target - stressful some days, super fun other days... but the girls I work with and the managers I have - so great. There isn't a shift that goes by, no matter how horrible, that I don't spend a decent amount of time laughing. How can that be bad? And finally, babysitting - the best of the three jobs! Two families, but all of this is true - the kids are smart, sassy and hilarious. Eating chicken nuggets for dinner, playing tag in a basement and watching Charlie Brown ... it's good for the soul. Not to mention, all of the parents are some of the best people ever - I love chatting about life with some wise moms when they get home from a night out and the kids are sound asleep.

#5. It may be 2:15am, but I have no alarm set. Sleeping til noon is 100% on the agenda for my Saturday, and after the longest 16 weeks of my life - that is a beautiful blessing.

See? I told ya I'm blessed :)

it'll get better.

it'll get better.

those are the words my dad said to me as he shut my car door when i was leaving home to drive back to school tonight. i don't know why those three little words set me off, but i barely managed to back away and start driving down the driveway before i completely lost it. i rarely cry, but when i do, it is usually because i'm ridiculously stressed. i spent the first 15 minutes of my drive back to allendale bawling. hello, my name is erin, and i am beyond stressed out.

thanksgiving "break" consisted of this girl spending three hours doing homework, working ridiculous hours (thank you, black friday) and spending time with extended family. there was no break involved. and now that i'm back at school, i have a huge exam to study for (in a class i'm barely passing) and a six page paper to write. annnnd yet, i find myself typing this instead of doing either of those things. oops.

even though the last five days have been anything but relaxing, and i'm exhausted and stressed, i'm not freaking out. i know that i won't be sleeping much the next three nights. i know that everything will get done. and i know that everything will be okay. i know that God has it all under control - every silly little detail of my life. despite me not having a clue what the future holds, God knows. and i'm clinging to that truth. because even though life is stressful, hectic and crazy right now... it'll get better.

oh, how time flies.

it has been almost a month since the last post.
that means that the semester is now half way done.
and i am 1/4 of the way through my last year of undergrad.
oh, how time flies.

So, what has happened in the past month?
A lot of work. A lot of school. A lot of studying. A lot of Cru. Very little sleep. Working at Zumberge and at Target definitely keeps me beyond busy, but I'm very thankful for two jobs (plus the occasional babysitting). School is insane... My "easy blow-off class" has become the one I spend the majority of my time on. Thankfully, my exams are spread out so I have one every week. The downside to this is that I don't have an "off week" at all. But, I am managing, for the most part... I only have had one night where I got less than two hours of sleep haha. Cru has also been very overwhelming in addition to all of the other stuff I have going on, but fall retreat was this past weekend, and it was so so so great. It was just a refreshing time to be with friends, focus on my relationship with God and spend time with Him without the distractions of school and work. Another wonderful bonus about the weekend? Some of the Dutch staff from Agape were there! It was so good to see them again, and hearing them talk with their Dutch accents was spectacular, although it made me miss Rotterdam like crazy! Now, this week (week 8 of the semester) is over... and it has arguably been the most unproductive week of my life. I blame this disgusting, 45 degree, windy rainy weather. It makes my bed the most comfortable place to be :)

This weekend will consist of 12 hours of work and a day trip to Ann Arbor to see Green River Ordinance and Boyce Avenue in concert with two of my lovely former roomies! And 14 days from right now? I'll be eating dinner in Nashville, TN and reminding myself to stay calm and keep breathing. I have an interview with Belmont University's School of Physical Therapy, the morning of Friday November 4th! Prayers = greatly appreciated.

I'll try to post again soon...
but oh, how time flies.

live in the moment.

It has been an absolutely insane week.
And honestly, that is an understatement.

Getting back into the swing of managing school, work, Cru, friends and sleep has been a struggle. I don't see my friends nearly as often as I would like, I got less than 5 hours of sleep multiple nights this past week, and I'm feeling like all of the things on my schedule, added together, are aiming to kill me.

I'm not the girl who thrives under stress. I'm not the girl who functions well on little sleep. I'm not the girl who can go non-stop for 16 hours straight. And because I'm not that girl, I find myself living for the weekends... telling myself "Erin, you just need to make it through Thursday night... then you can relax, sleep, work a little bit, and catch up on homework." ... And I hate it.


I want to live in the moment.

I am blessed to be a stressed out college student. I am blessed to have two jobs. I am blessed to have friends that I wish I could see more often. I am blessed to be involved in an amazing ministry. I am blessed to live the life that I do. Even when I have those crazy, non-stop 16 hour days, I don't want to wish them away. I want to enjoy the little things and soak everything in. Walking towards the sunrise as I head to campus to study at 7am. Being able to have friends in classes, and laugh about our crazy professors. Drinking coffee and laughing with a friend instead of studying like we should. These are the moments that I will never get back.

This semester is 1/4 gone... Senior year is 1/8 gone. It's going by quickly, and as life gets even busier, time will fly even faster.

I want to live in the moment.

motivation.

I have absolutely no motivation.
I have 100+ pages to read for Microbiology.
And yet I find myself on the internet and watching the Emmy's Red Carpet.
I know the longer I procrastinate, the less sleep I will get. But, I cannot bring myself to buckle down and read.

Motivation, I don't know where you're hiding... but this semester is officially in full swing and I would greatly appreciate it if you came out of hiding and made yourself comfortable in my life again. Okay? Okay!

Time to get some work done.
Bah.

the little things.

Two weeks.
Two weeks into my senior year.
Two weeks of an insane schedule done.

What have I learned in the past two weeks?
I've learned about microbes... about immigration in the United States... about social psychology... about metabolism and macromolecules... about new procedures at work... how to do fifty different things at Target. I've learned I've learned that when things feel completely out of control, it is okay to take a step back and give up... because regardless of my need to control things, the world can survive without my stressing over little things. I've learned that in the midst of craziness, God is good.

I've learned to appreciate the little things.

A funny text. Getting out of class a little early. A beautiful sunset. A good meal. My snooze button. Venting with my roomie. Catching up with friends I haven't seen since last spring. Playing with toddlers. Getting an hour break to take a nap.

Appreciating the little things and relying on God, I will survive the craziness that is Fall Semester.

Two weeks down.
Fourteen to go.

growing pains.

I've been the same height since the age of 13; I thought I was done with growing pains. Welp, I was wrong. The difference? Instead of throbbing knees, growing pains have arrived in the form of change and stress.

Living in a new apartment. Missing friends who have graduated. Feeling disconnected from a lot of the people I was close with last year. Working two jobs (three if babysitting counts - and I say it does count). Living paycheck-to-paycheck. Applying to grad schools. Working out kinks in the new leadership structure of [Cru.].

This last week of summer has been stressful. But what was I expecting? The whole summer was stressful, so why would the last week be calm? Tomorrow marks the beginning of my last year as an undergrad student. The beginning of year number four. And even though I'm not ready to be this old, this responsible... I know that it is going to be an amazing year. God is going to use these growing pains to rock my world. Big things are going to happen. And I'm excited to see it all unfold.


Fall Semester 2011, it's on.

change sucks.

Yep. I said it. Change sucks.

I am not a fan. I used to somewhat enjoy changes in my life - new classes, new friends, new living situations, new people, new places, etc. But now? I'm not a fan at all. Summer is ending in 3 weeks. I have been looking forward to this month of August since May - being able to move back to Allendale, being done with Target for the school year, and preparing for new classes - all sorts of changes. However, now that August is actually here, I'm hating it.

Don't get me wrong, I am looking forward to being settled in Allendale, living with my best friend again, and being near all of my friends. But packing, leaving home, moving, buying school supplies, blah blah blah. I hate it all. At this point, I would be content with another month or two of summer. I've finally become accustomed to the craziness that this summer has been, and now everything is changing again. Like I said - not a fan.

However, one thing isn't changing. I'm not leaving Target. I never thought I would say this, but I actually like my job (most days). And I love the people I work with. They're so great. And after "deciding" a week and a half ago that I would be taking Academic Leave again this year, I haven't stopped thinking "What if I didn't have to?" ... so I'm not. One day a week I will still get to see the coworkers that I love, and make a little easy money folding clothes and answering phones. That little piece of my life isn't changing. And for right now, I'm ecstatic about that... because the rest of these changes... I'm just not ready for 'em.

The biggest change that has me completely freaking out? This is my SENIOR year of college. I'm not old enough for this. I'm not old enough to be submitting grad school applications, requesting official transcripts, collecting letters of recommendation, gathering PT observation hours. It's all just a little bit overwhelming right now...

And being overwhelmed means it is time for sleep.
Goodnight.

half way there.

Summer is officially half over ... Cue depressed thoughts. But seriously, this summer is flying by. It's been a decent summer, but the amount of time I've spent having fun is practically negative. After 8 weeks of studying, test-taking, PT observing, retail-working, gas-buying and tuition-paying, I can decisively say that growing up is no fun.

That summer to-do list in my last post? The only thing I've managed to knock off it is a visit to Stony Lake (which by the way, is just not the same as spending a week there). Did I mention growing up sucks? Mackinac is this weekend. A Tiger's game is two weeks after that. Summer, we've got 8 weeks left. I've got 5.5 weeks left of class. And probably 6 weeks left of work. That leaves two weeks to get in a trip to Chicago to visit a wonderful friend, a trip to Cedar Point to ride some coasters and soaking up as much sunshine as possible before it's too late.

Final thought: July starts tomorrow. Which means in 32 days, I will again have a home in Allendale. Happy days!

Home Again, Home Again, Jiggity Jig.

Well, after a full day of packing my car and cleaning my apartment, followed by two and half days of unloading, cleaning, purging old stuff, unpacking and organizing, I am finally all settled in.

I've been "home" for less than three days, and I miss Allendale like woah. These next three months may be a little rough. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents... but I miss my roommates... I miss not having to answer questions about where I'm going, when I'll be back or whether or not I'll be home for dinner... I miss being able to see my friends because they're only 5 minutes away... I miss home. Because as a friend said last week, "If home is where the heart is, then I've departed."

The bright side? I'm taking summer classes. 40% of me views this as the dark side - it's summer, and I'm going to be spending 10 hours a week in class + 3 to 5 more hours every week doing an online class. Gross. However, the other 60% of me is rejoicing that I get to be in Allendale two days a week all summer long, and I don't have to feel bad about the gas I'm using because it's for class! Seeing friends while I'm at it? Duh - I'm going to make every penny I spend on gas totally worth the 81 mile (round trip) commute.

So, I start classes again on Monday. I'm babysitting tomorrow night and Monday night. I start working at Target again in ~9 days. I need to start studying for the GRE, because I'm taking it in less than a month and have no idea what to expect. I need to contact people about shadowing and volunteering to get PT hours. For my sanity, I need to hang out with my friends. And the best thing on my agenda? In 9 days, my best friend will be back in the good ole Mitten, and then we will be reunited after 3.5 months apart.

Other things on the summer "bucket list" include Cedar Point, at least one Tiger's game, several Grand Haven trips, tubing on Hess Lake, a trip to Chicago, a trip to Mackinac Island and hopefully at least one visit to Stony Lake.

This summer is going to be busy, to say the least. But I'm feeling ready for it! Alright, Summer 2011, let's do this.

Spiritual Multiplication.

Spiritual multiplication. This is one of those "Cru terms" that has simply become part of my vocabulary over the past three years (yeah, I'm finishing my third year of college ... when did I get this old?). My favorite thing about the end of every semester is the spiritual multiplication "demonstration" at Cru. The graduating seniors stand up - anyone who has been directly impacted by them stands up - then, anyone who has been directly impacted by the new people standing proceed to stand up. Typically by this point, the whole room is standing, and tonight was no exception. Being involved in such an amazing movement over the past three years has been such a blessing in my life. I can't believe I only have one more year ... in 12 months, I will be the graduating senior standing up in the first group ... and over the course of the next year, I want to let God use me to impact this campus, this world, for Him.

Saying goodbye to people over the course of the next week and a half is going to suck. Everyone is heading their separate ways for the summer, and some of the people I've become closest with over the past three years are graduating and will not be returning to GV in the fall. While I am so excited for them to enter the next stage of their life, next year will be weird without them here. However, I am discovering that there is an amazing group of underclassmen - people who have become some of my close friends this year - people who I hope will make next year even more awesome than this year (which, let's be honest, it's going to be hard to top). I have been blessed with such an amazing community, and even though it is difficult that it is constantly changing, I love it. I love seeing the impact people have in my life, and hopefully being able to pass that impact on to others. Spiritual multiplication, people. It's pretty cool.

I don't know ... I should be working on my research proposal that is due before I have class in T-Minus 10 hours ... but I just needed to get a few thoughts out.

To the homework I go...

What A Week.

Wow.
What a week.
This week has been my calm before the storm. The peace before the madness of finals. And I've enjoyed every single second of it. Well, maybe not the time spent in class... but everything else has been awesome. Spending time relaxing with my roommates. Sitting on the porch 3 different afternoons, soaking in some Vitamin D while digging into God's Word. Having dinner with three different friends, two of whom I rarely get to see. Watching TV. It has been such a refreshing week. And it is exactly what I've needed before the craziness of the next 12 days ensues.

The highlights of this week, aside from the stuff mentioned above? God has been rocking my world - in a good way :)

1. Tuesday night I had dinner with my small group leader from high school. A woman who has known me and been living life with me since I was 14. How crazy is that? God is so good and I am so thankful that she is a part of my life.


2. I'm reading Crazy Love. And it is awesome; it slaps you in the face pretty much every other page. But it is so good. Favorite quote from this week - "Most of our thoughts are centered on the money we want to make, the school we want to attend, the body we aspire to have, the spouse we want to marry, the kind of person we want to become... But the fact is that nothing should concern us more than our relationship with God; it's about eternity, and nothing compares with that." Why do I love this? Because this is me - in a nutshell. I'm worried about student loans, and therefore think about how much money I can make some day. I want to go to physical therapy school - I've been "school shopping" aka website stalking for months, looking into different programs. I freak out about my grades so that I can hopefully get into said programs. But in the grand scheme of things, why does any of it matter? God should be my primary focus, and everything else will fall into place.


3. The whole - focus on God - idea was reiterated tonight at Cru. A few things stuck out to me. First, my plans are crap compared to God's. So I want to stay here at GV for their DPT program... cool. But what does God have in store? Who knows? I sure don't. Another thing - "I don't ask God to open doors, but I do ask him to close them." Wow. How often do I blow past opportunities because I don't see the open door? I'm waiting for God to open different doors, when what he wants for me may very well be right there waiting. And if it's not supposed to be, he can close that door. The final thing that stuck out was a question posed at the end ... after an awesome message, describing God a couple dozen ways including "slow to anger, transcending all understanding, gracious, merciful, etc etc etc" ... Is this the God we are showing to people? How are we representing Christ? I've heard it said so often that "You may be the only taste of Jesus they will ever get." Yikes. What am I making Jesus look like? What a reality check.

So yeah, everything is good. But, it is 1am, and I need to get some SLEEP!

Peace.

Micah 5:5.
Jesus is our peace.
How cool is it to stop and let that soak in?

Today was Cru's annual women's conference. Our theme this year was Oasis, and we talked about our peace coming from Christ and being able to rest in the arms of the Father. This theme coincides so well with my life over the past few months. Even though it hasn't always been obvious, God is teaching me so much about peace. I used to stress so so so much about grades, money, friendships, my future... and I still do to an extent - I'm not perfect, and I won't pretend to be. But this semester has been beyond amazing - I've stayed on top of my school work, had a minimal number of freak-outs about my GPA, and rather than wishing I was hanging out with people more, I am doing it. Over the past three months, I have been able to live life with some pretty amazing friends - making meals together, baking cookies, staying up late chatting about life, and just having fun. In case other people are slow to figure this out like I was - relationships are way cooler than stressing about grades. Don't get me wrong, you can't blow off classes and stop doing your homework, but there is something wonderful about finding balance, and it is so refreshing to have it in my life. God has just given me this awesome peace that HE is in control - not me. And with that perspective, everything just seems to fall into place. God is good.

What else is new? This girl is pretty much home free with the exception of finals. Along with the women's conference, this weekend consisted of no schoolwork, three movies, baking baking baking, an a cappella concert, welcoming a friend home from a three month study abroad trip, catching up with some friends from spring break, and enjoying this beautiful 82 degree day. I'm going to say it one more time, God is good.

Hot Mess.

I am a hot mess.
Actually, I'm cold.
Because Michigan is bipolar in the weather department.
But seriously, hot mess equals this girl.

I've been home from spring break for 9 days now ... and I miss Rotterdam more than anyone could have ever told me I would. I fell in love with the city, with the people I met there. Being there, being so far out of my comfort zone, I was forced to truly rely on God, and was met head on with the fact that this world is in desperate need of relationship with the Creator. For more on my experience in the Netherlands, feel free to check out our team blog - http://www.nl2011.blogspot.com. I long to be back in Holland... but clearly that isn't an option right now. I have the final 5 weeks of the semester ahead of me, and then a full summer of work, volunteering and taking classes. Summer? Hah. So much for that. I do however look forward to what my future may hold as far as the Netherlands is concerned ... spring break next year? A potentially new summer project in 2012? Who knows. I'm keeping my options open and letting God lead the way.

Why else am I a hot mess? I've been sick since returning home last week - my body hates me. Also, I'm scheduling my last year of undergrad classes at 7am tomorrow. I'm not old enough to be doing this. It seriously freaks me out. Yet another reason? I miss my best friend. She's been in Spain for almost 2 months now. And we've got a little under 2 months to go. Yikes. I don't know. My brain is always going a million miles a minute these days.

The part of me that isn't a hot mess is consistently reminding the rest of me that God is in control, that He won't give me anything I can't handle and that I am a part of an absolutely amazing community, full of people who love me - even if they are spread across 3 continents.

I could ramble on forever, but I need to go to bed and try to kick this sickness.
Goodnight, world.

Leaving on a Jet Plane

Holy smokes.
Spring Break 2011 is here!
The past two weeks of school have been absolute insanity, so the fact that I'm going to the Netherlands ... six time zones away ... across the ocean ... didn't sink in until last night.

Holy freakin' cow.

I'm beyond excited. A little nervous. And I absolutely cannot wait to see what God will do in myself, my team and in the lives of the Dutch students we come into contact with this week.

But, I need to finish up packing because we have to be on the road to the airport in T-minus 20 minutes! Ahhhhhhh!

Lord, Thank you so much for this opportunity. Help us to be a light for you this week. Calm our nerves, let our excitement grow, and keep us focused on the purpose of this trip. Please allow for smooth travels, on-time and safe flights, and a whole lot of fun to be had! Amen.

Excitement.

It's been a long time... this semester is kicking my butt - hard. Five weeks are done, and the time has flown by. There has been very little downtime, crazy 15 (or 19) hour days, a lot of homework, a lot of stress, and little sleep. By little sleep, I mean that my body no longer functions well on less than 8 hours ... getting 6 hours of sleep is unacceptable. My body made that fact perfectly clear when I slept through class last week. Oops.

So... What has happened in the past month of my life? School. Work. Babysitting. Dinners with friends. Heart-to-hearts. Goodbyes. (I've grown to hate them after saying goodbye to my best friend and another awesome friend). A crazy sleepover and photoshoot. A blizzard and my first official college snow day. Life has been full and busy to say the least.

Now, the title "Excitement." ... tonight I met with my spring break team - in 20 days we will be flying to The Netherlands (through Campus Crusade) to partner with Dutch staff and students to reach people for Christ. After our meeting tonight, I am so freakin' excited. Am I nervous? Of course. I'll be traveling to a foreign country - flying over the ocean - talking to people with extremely different backgrounds than I'm used to - experiencing jet lag - etc etc etc. But all of these things that scare me give me so much room to step back and trust God. I'm pumped for that aspect of the trip. My little Christian bubble of West Michigan is going to pop, and it's going to freak me out, but it's going to be so amazing, and I'm pumped for God to do some amazing things! Another thing I'm pumped for? Pictures. I'm so so so excited to take pictures of beautiful old buildings and canals in Amsterdam and to capture memories of what is sure to be an absolutely mind-blowing trip. Ahhh! Excitement. It may be an understatement.

God, help me to draw near to You in the next three weeks. Replace my nervousness with even more excitement. Remind me that this trip is one hundred percent for your glory. Draw our team closer to one another as we draw closer to You. Help us to make an impact for Your kingdom. Amen.

Get Dunked.

Winter Semester 2011 is officially in full swing. The first week of classes is over, items on my to-do list like "Breakfast at Marie Catrib's" have been replaced with "Read Chapters 1 & 2", and I'm back in the habit of hitting my snooze button a few too many times every morning. Oh, the life of a college student.

This semester is going to be a good one, though. Lots of reading. Lots of studying. Lots of writing. Lots of working (well, to me, anyways). And on top of school, I need to find time to study and take the GRE so that I can apply for grad school at the end of the summer. Wow-za. I'm excited for it all. My professors all seem nice. The classes are somewhat interesting (well, physics isn't... but I'm determined to have a good attitude this semester :)).

Still ahead? Two more friends leaving the country (aka lots of Skype dates). Working my butt off to get good grades. Going to The Netherlands on Spring Break. Pouring into the life of an amazing freshman girl.

And happening in T-Minus ~10 hours? I'm gettin' dunked. And by dunked, I mean, baptized. I've been putting it off for years, but it's time to tell the world that I love Jesus, and I want to live a life in pursuit of him. And that, that my friends is why I am getting baptized in the morning.

Now, let's just hope I don't get water up my nose...

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes.

It is 2011.
When did that happen?
Yes, I know January 1 at 12:00am.
But where did the month of December go?

December was a whirlwind. Wrapping up the semester. Finals. Packing up 1/2 my life to move home for 3 weeks. Working at the library. Working at Target for a little holiday help. Christmas. IndyCC. Some of those things sucked, some of them just needed to happen, and some were absolutely, without a doubt, amazing.

Finals went well. I finished strong and am glad Fall Semester 2010 is OVER. Being at home has been wonderful. I have some of the world's greatest roomies at school, but there is just something great about being at home! The week leading up to Christmas I worked my life away. It made the first week of break FLY by, but it was good. Christmas was great - spending time with family and taking the time to remember that without Jesus I would be nothing. IndyCC, well, that deserves it's own paragraph...

Indy was incredible. The theme of the "week" was Unm!stakable. The idea behind it is to live a life that is absolutely unmistakably in pursuit of Jesus. For me, after a crazy month and a half where I pushed my relationship with God to the back burner, my week was spent focusing on God and what it looks like to consistently put Him first in my life. Being in a community of 2000+ college students that were doing the same thing was amazing. Within that, getting close and going deep with some people from GV was awesome, too. Indy made me question why I do things the way I do. Why do I stress so much about school? Why do I worry so much about what other people think? Why am I not giving God my all? What am I passionate about? There is a lot that I am still processing, but these are good things to process. And aside from all of the serious things, I have never laughed so much in my entire life.

Now, since it is 2011, I of course have to recap 2010...
+ Shared my faith on the beaches of Panama City
+ Completed what I thought would be the hardest semester of my life
+ Begin babysitting for an amazing family - the 3 kids have become a huge part of my life
+ Watched my brother and several friends graduate from college
+ Stood up in my brother's wedding and welcomed a sister to the family
+Worked my second summer at Target - and loved yet hated it the whole time
+ Got a job at the library on campus
+ Moved in with 4 amazing girls
+ Became friends with some amazing new people
+ Went back to Ada Bible Church
+ Signed up to go to The Netherlands on spring break
+ Went to IndyCC and decided to make some ch-ch-ch-changes in my life

In 2011, with God's help, I will...
+ Say goodbye to 3 of my best friends as they study abroad for the semester
+ Continuously strive to know God more
+ Stress less
+ Step out of my comfort zone more often
+ Serve others and not focus on myself so much
+ Pour into the lives of others
+ Have fun and enjoy the end of my junior year of college
+ Apply and interview for physical therapy school

Here goes nothing. 2011, welcome. Let's make you a great year.