Countdown Central

T-Minus ~23.5 hours until December.
T-Minus 16 days until this semester is over.
T-Minus 26 days until Christmas.
T-Minus 29 days until IndyCC.
T-Minus 32 days until 2011.
T-Minus 62 days until my best friend leaves for 3.5 months.
T-Minus 95 days until I leave the US for the first time.
T-Minus 96 days until I am in the Netherlands.

November is over. Again, where has the time gone?! Thanksgiving has come and gone, and there are only 16 days left of Fall Semester 2010. A group project and 4 finals are all that stand between me and the sweet freedom of Christmas break. Get pumped.

Christmas break is going to be epic this year. Time with family and friends to relax and not worry about school. Time to hunt for volunteer opportunities and jobs in the health care field. Time to sleep sleep sleep. Time to grow in faith and community at Indy CC. Time to ring in a new year. Time to recoup before next semester starts.

What else is on my countdowns list? My best friend leaving for 3.5 months. Yeah, that is going to suck. I'm pretending it isn't happening. I'm determined to go on with this idea until I absolutely have to say goodbye. Boo.

The most exciting thing on my countdown? I'm going to The Netherlands for Spring Break 2011. I'm terrified. I'm excited. I absolutely cannot wait to see what God is going to do through Agape in Rotterdam. 96 days. 3 months. So far away... but that time is going to FLY.

Father God, Thank you for things that have happened and things to look forward to. Help me to soak in every moment of the next 3 months. Help me to fully trust in you as preparations are made for the trip to Rotterdam. Bring exactly the team together that you want to participate in this trip, Lord. Allow support to be raised both financially and in prayer for our team, and help us to give you all the glory through the support raising process. Amen.

Blink.

It's been over a month.
I swear I barely blinked...
But it's almost Thanksgiving!
This semester has FLOWN by.
Wasn't it just 70 degrees and the beginning of October?
When did this whole 45 degree, windy, dark by 6pm thing happen?

I don't know.

Life has been crazy in the last month... but let's be honest... that's normal. From August thru December and January thru April, I don't know what calm even means. This semester's craziness has been the worst I've ever had... but thankfully, I have some really amazing friends and even better roommates to help me get by. We keep each other sane and laugh at the little things. We stay up until 1 am talking about life instead of doing our homework... which sometimes, is exactly what you need to do.

The sucky part? 3 of those awesome friends are leaving me in a little over 2 months to go to 3 different foreign countries. Prepare yourself, world. Chances are, I'm going to be a hot mess without them next semester.

Well, there isn't really a point to this post other than to say I'm thankful for my roomies and friends... and I'm thankful that four weeks from this moment, I will be 100% done with this semester and on Christmas break.

Can I just blink and have those 4 weeks be done?

Midterms.

It is currently 2:15am.
I have another hour of work ahead of me.
I have class in less than seven hours.
I hate midterms.
That is all.

Faith Like a Child.

So my mind works in funny ways sometimes, but try to keep up with me...

This past weekend I babysat three of my favorite little kids (ages 5, 3 and 1). I've been babysitting them occasionally for the past 6 months and I've known their mom since I was in 8th grade... it's been a couple months since I've hung out with them, but when I pulled into the driveway, my car was barely in park before they were at my door - they were so excited to see me. Instant chatter broke out and it didn't stop for a long time... they had to fill me in on everything! As the night went on, they asked questions about anything and everything, waited for me to answer, had stories to tell, and at times just wanted to cuddle. They knew that I was there for them - to spend time with them, listen to them and take care of them. It could be said that they had faith in me.

Why is it so hard for me, as a 20 year old college student, to have that kind of faith in God? The kind where I run to Him after not talking for a while... where I spill my guts about every little thing that has happened in my day... where I ask questions... wait for answers.... tell stories... or just simply rest in the Father's arms. I want a faith like this. This faith - this is what I'm working on...

I know I had a post about this same "faith like a child" topic a few months ago... but it's still something I'm working on, and it struck me all over again 5 days ago, so...

Father God, help me to have faith like a child... Be the first place I turn in every situation and help me to rest in your loving arms. Amen.

Whirlwind.

Life has officially been a whirlwind this week.

Sidewalk chalk. My best friend with a hurting heart. Ice cream. Classes overwhelming me, already. Honest conversation. Thunderstorms. First super late homework night of the semester. Less than 6 hours of sleep 3 nights in a row. A good paper. A bad quiz. An appointment about my future. And finally, tonight, a lazy night. Grey's Anatomy.

It might not sound like a lot, but I'm drained. Sleep? My body doesn't seem to like it this week. I haven't been able to fall asleep a single night this week. My mind won't turn off. I think, process, think some more and over-process.

But through it all, God is good. And even though sleep is a struggle, I will rest in that truth.

Until next time, my world spins madly on.

Be Careful What You Wish For

Wow. Two posts back I ended my blog with "Bring it on Fall 2010, I'm ready."

I need to choose my words more carefully. In the first two weeks of school, classes have been crazy, Cru has been crazy, life has been crazy. And I was definitely NOT ready.

Six days ago, after an awesome long weekend, while hanging out with some of my best friends, I got a call that my grandma was on life support down in FL... and she probably wasn't going to make it. I went from laughing hysterically to crying in a matter of 30 seconds.

Five days ago I got a phone call that she had indeed passed away. I went through most of my day in a fog. My closest friends knew... they also knew me well enough to know that a hug & an "I love you" would suffice as comfort. I didn't want to talk about it. That night was also the Cru kickoff. We had ~430 people show up. I was reminded yet again that God is awesome and he is moving here at GVSU.

High. Low. High. Low. High. Low. On and on and on.

Life has been a rollercoaster this past week. I'm ready for the shoulder restraints to be released so that I can get off the ride. But I know that this semester is just getting started, and the rollercoaster is sure to continue.


God, keep me focused on you. I'm going to need you more than ever this semester. Amen.

PS Sorry this is so scattered... this is what my brain has been like though. So many thoughts at once!

Chaos.

The first week of school is pure chaos. No established routines. No "normal". I hate it. Two days down. Three to go.

I should currently be sound asleep... I have to be awake in ~7.5 hours. But... my mind has been going a million miles a minute for the past 48 hours. Classes. Schedules. Homework (already?!). Learning a new job. Friends. Cru. Ahhhh.

But then... when I suck it up and pull myself out of my own little Grand Valley bubble, I'm instantly reminded that no matter how insane my life gets, I'm living easy. College should be the least of my worries. My grandma is in the hospital. My cousin's vehicle got hit by a roadside bomb in Afghanistan (he's doing ok... but two guys in his unit didn't make it).

These are REAL problems.

Reading 3 sections for physics? Who cares.


God, I know that we all have our issues to deal with, but help me to constantly be reminded that I don't need to stress over the little stuff. Be with grandma, be with Timothy. Comfort them, Lord. Give me the strength and energy to get through these next 3 days. I love you, Lord.

"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken."
Psalm 62:5-6

The View.

Campus View, that is.

I've been back in Allendale since Sunday. I'm so happy to be back... living on my own, being so close to all my friends, and being able to do my own thing. But being back is in a single word, weird. The only Grand Valley I've ever known is the Grand Valley with my brother and all of his friends here. Having them not be here is just weird. I have a feeling the first few weeks of the school year are going to be a tough adjustment. However, people graduate and move on with their lives every year, so I know I can too.

Getting past my debbie-downer moment, this year is going to be spectacular. My roommates are wonderful. My friends are the best a girl could ask for. In the few short days I've been here, a cake was baked, rotting chicken was disposed of, a dance party occurred in my kitchen, and there have been plenty of laughs. And some of my best friends aren't even back in Allendale yet... so things are only going to get better.

Bring it on, Fall 2010. I'm ready.

Star Creator.

Stars.
Summer.
Simple beauty.

They said on the news tonight that it was the Perseid Meteor Shower. One of my absolute favorite things about summer is stargazing. And, since I live in the middle of nowhere, my own yard is the perfect place to see TONS of stars... no city lights to interfere! So, I grabbed some bug spray and a blanket and went to lay on the hood of my car. I only was outside for about 30 minutes, but I was able to see nine shooting stars!

The whole time, I couldn't help but think about the sheer amazing creativity that God must possess. I can't wrap my mind around it. He created all of those stars in that beautiful, clear August sky, and he knows each and every one by name. And the part that really gets me? That very same creative, all-knowing God... he cares about me. How cool is that??

God, thank you for your creativity and for the blessing of the beauty of your creation. Thank you for loving and caring for me - one tiny little piece of this universe. Remind me daily of that love, Lord. Amen.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Mountain maker, ocean tamer
Glimpses of You, burn in my eyes.
The worship of heaven, fills up the skies

You made it all, Said "Let there be"
And there was, all that we see
The sound of your voice, the works of your hands
You do all things well, You do all things well, You do all things well

Star creator, wind breather
The strokes of Your beauty, brushed through the clouds
Light from the heavens, touching the ground"
--Chris Tomlin

Safe.

I've been at camp the past 6 days. Camp Ao-Wa-Kiya. On Stony Lake. AKA My safe place.

We (support staff) have talked a lot this week about how camp is a safe place... for some people, it is their only safe place. I have other safe places, but camp is by far the best one. You're free to be yourself here at camp... people here are more real. More accepting. More willing to lend a listening ear, a hug or a good laugh. I can run around like a fool half the day, be cranky for a little bit, or have a serious conversation. All of these things are part of who I am, and I am totally free to be me (ala Francesca Battistelli haha). Shower? Haven't in two days. Make-up? Ha. Scrubby gym shorts, t-shirts, and hair all a mess? Yep. But who cares. Cause it's camp. And people here love me anyways.

I go home in approximately 9 hours. And I don't want to leave. Don't get me wrong... I LOVE my parents and friends at home... but everything here at camp is so much more simple. Unfortunately, I'm growing up. I know that in the future, I won't be able to spend as much time here. I hate it. In my heart, I wish that camp could be year round. But in my head, I know that would make it less special. Camp is something I look forward to all year long. I've been coming here every summer for 12 years. I have literally grown up here. And I wouldn't have it any other way. Forget Campus View. THIS is my second home.

This week has been amazing. Laughing hysterically. Cooking. Dutch Blitz. Glozell. Swimming. Kayaking. Making new friends. A Swinger engagement. Spending time with God. Living life in it's most simple form. Being safe.

Father God,
Thank you for this time here at camp. To renew and be filled with You. To build relationships. To laugh and enjoy the little things. Thank your for this place. For making it as amazing as it is. My life wouldn't be the same without it, and I thank you for that.
Amen.

Love.

Four little letters.
L - O - V - E.
Thousands of applications.

Friends. Family. Romance. Activities. Pets. Foods. Beverages. Colors. Clothes.

Love you (insert family member or friend). I love golf. I love my cat. I love ice cream. I love diet coke. I love blue. I love hoodies. Etc.

Can those four little letters really apply to all of those areas?
In the English language, yes. But in other languages... love is so much... more.

God's love - agape - is unconditional, self-sacrificing love.

In an effort to get my faith moving forward again, I've started a new bible study on God's love ("He Is My Life"). I'm five days in (a week, book-wise), and I really like it. This first week has simply focused on how God's love is so significantly different from the human love that is so prevalent in our culture today. God's love, in us, results in pure joy (John 15:10-11). He longs for a relationship with us... he wants to be our best friend... he wants to fill us with his love so that we may joyfully fill others.

Over the next 9 weeks, as I study and learn more about God's love, it is my goal and sincere hope that I will come to love others more... not because it is easy, but because it is what God calls us to do.

Like a Child

This past winter I was part of a Beth Moore bible study (Stepping Up - A Journey Through the Psalms of Ascent) with some girls at GV. Needless to say, school took over my life as has happened far too often, and I didn't finish the study. I cracked it open again tonight and remembered just how great it was. I left off at Psalm 131...

1 LORD, my heart is not proud; I don't look down on others. I don't do great things and I can't do miracles.
2 But I am calm and quiet, like a baby with its mother. I am at peace, like a baby with its mother.
3 People of Israel, put your hope in the Lord now and forever.
(NCV)

The study focused on pride and the idea of being a child at rest. A couple of things really stuck out to me. First of all, pride is a huge issue. Aside from people finding arrogance annoying, pride builds walls, not only in relationships with other people, but in your relationship with God. Thinking you know it all or have it all figured out is a problem that I have come to know all to well in the past few months. This life is rough; we cannot do it alone. We were not designed to do it alone. We need community and we need God. Pride gets in the way of relationships that allow us to flourish. The other thing that really stuck out to me was the idea of being a child at rest. Children rest in their mothers arms. There is an unexplainable comfort that comes with the parent//child relationship. The soul is quiet in a child at rest. Scripture shows time and again that we are God's cherished children. Just as a 3 year old needs their mom for everything, God is all we need. After a long hard day, we can rest knowing that God is in control. Questions may be unanswered and there may still be battles to fight, but we may rest in the arms of God.

Lord, Give me faith like a child.
(Matthew 18:1-4)

Time Flies...

Wow. Time flies when you're having fun! It has been almost two weeks and a lot has been happening!

Things that have happened: babysitting, work, sleepover with Katelyn (involving 3 trips to Meijer, open house prep for her brother and tennis at 10pm), Festival of the Arts, Cartel concert, sleepover with Liz, more work, more babysitting, a relaxing day with Kelsey, Sarah Anne and the Nemmers boys, the McGannon wedding, and a sleepover with some awesome girls.

Basically, this is a short little update to say that life is good. I love my friends. I love my family. I love the people I'm surrounded by in life. God is good :)

Countdown to being back at GV = 60 days!

What It's All About

Why is it so easy to get completely, totally, utterly wrapped up in life?

I find myself consumed with thoughts about work, about friends, about school, about the future... but my thoughts don't naturally turn to God very often. Why?! He knows everything - Future? God knows. Drama? God knows. He knows. He knows. He knows. It just doesn't seem to want to stick in my head... well, it sticks in my head just fine. My heart on the other hand? My heart is clinging to every little bit of control I can possibly have in life. So dumb.

Talking to a good friend last night, we both have the same issue - our priorities are so messed up - time with God is not at the top of the list... it isn't what is coming first in life. I want God to be the first place I turn to in any and every situation. Because in the long run, having a solid foundation in Christ is what it's all about.

My goal for the summer - dig into God's Word. Get to know Him. Spend time with Him. Allow Him to become my best friend. Build up little by little. Nothing great is accomplished over night. It will take time. I just need to commit.

And also, after years of refusing to read it just because everyone else was... I started Captivating. So far, I like it. More on that later, I'm sure.

Now I leave you with this... part of a song that I love, and that fits with this post perfectly.

Someday she'll understand the meaning of it all
He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens,
As close as a heartbeat or a song on her lips.
Someday she'll trust Him and learn how to see Him.
Someday He'll call her and she will come running,
and fall in His arms, and the tears will fall down and she'll pray,
"I want to fall in love with You."
--Jars of Clay "Love Song for a Savior"--

Here Goes Nothing...

Where to begin?

Well... I've always toyed with the idea of starting a blog. I read people's blogs all the time. Blogs are a glimpse into life, and I think life is so interesting... who people care about, what they think about and spend their time on, where they go, why they do the things they do... interesting stuff. So yes, I like blogs. Starting my own? Well, it's summer... and I'm bored. Where this will go? Who knows. But I do know it will be an outlet. Sometimes it will be serious. Sometimes it will be goofy. Sometimes it will probably be pretty pointless. But no matter what it is, it will be me. (Another reason? I want to be able to "follow" my friends who are blogging from literally all over the world, and rather than bookmarking all of their pages... this is easier :))

So... summer.
It has been a whirlwind so far. Finals ended. I did well. I kept my scholarship (thanks, God). I moved home. My brother got married. I have a sister now, which is awesome. However, it's super weird that my brother will, after 20 years, never again be right across the hall from me. As I said to him at the end of the semester, "Why do we have to grow up?" It's just... weird. But I'm adjusting. Life changes. But change is good. And I'm excited to see what the future holds. Anyways, after the wedding, I got all 4 wisdom teeth removed. I was out of it for like, 4 days (and I developed an obsession for The OC... I need to find Season 2 on DVD). Then, I went back to work at Target after being on academic leave for 8 months. I thought it was going to be dreadful, but it really isn't. I work with nice people. It's easy work. Heck, I live in Michigan and I have a job... which is more than 14% of our state can say, so I'm thankful. On top of working at Target, I babysit one afternoon a week... 3 of the cutest kids ever. It's fun, easy, and pays well. Gotta love it. And of course, I've been hanging out with friends, and in doing so, putting a lot of miles on my car (but at 207,000 she's still going strong). What is lacking this summer? Community. I miss GV. I miss literally being surrounded by awesome Christian friends. I miss living with Katelyn. I miss having my best friends within a 2 mile radius at any given moment. I love summer, but I love the school year too...

Welp, it's late. And in an attempt to maintain a somewhat normal sleeping schedule this summer, bedtime is calling. Hopefully, I'll be writing again soon :)

Adios.