Life has officially been a whirlwind this week.
Sidewalk chalk. My best friend with a hurting heart. Ice cream. Classes overwhelming me, already. Honest conversation. Thunderstorms. First super late homework night of the semester. Less than 6 hours of sleep 3 nights in a row. A good paper. A bad quiz. An appointment about my future. And finally, tonight, a lazy night. Grey's Anatomy.
It might not sound like a lot, but I'm drained. Sleep? My body doesn't seem to like it this week. I haven't been able to fall asleep a single night this week. My mind won't turn off. I think, process, think some more and over-process.
But through it all, God is good. And even though sleep is a struggle, I will rest in that truth.
Until next time, my world spins madly on.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Monday, September 13, 2010
Be Careful What You Wish For
Wow. Two posts back I ended my blog with "Bring it on Fall 2010, I'm ready."
I need to choose my words more carefully. In the first two weeks of school, classes have been crazy, Cru has been crazy, life has been crazy. And I was definitely NOT ready.
Six days ago, after an awesome long weekend, while hanging out with some of my best friends, I got a call that my grandma was on life support down in FL... and she probably wasn't going to make it. I went from laughing hysterically to crying in a matter of 30 seconds.
Five days ago I got a phone call that she had indeed passed away. I went through most of my day in a fog. My closest friends knew... they also knew me well enough to know that a hug & an "I love you" would suffice as comfort. I didn't want to talk about it. That night was also the Cru kickoff. We had ~430 people show up. I was reminded yet again that God is awesome and he is moving here at GVSU.
High. Low. High. Low. High. Low. On and on and on.
Life has been a rollercoaster this past week. I'm ready for the shoulder restraints to be released so that I can get off the ride. But I know that this semester is just getting started, and the rollercoaster is sure to continue.
God, keep me focused on you. I'm going to need you more than ever this semester. Amen.
PS Sorry this is so scattered... this is what my brain has been like though. So many thoughts at once!
I need to choose my words more carefully. In the first two weeks of school, classes have been crazy, Cru has been crazy, life has been crazy. And I was definitely NOT ready.
Six days ago, after an awesome long weekend, while hanging out with some of my best friends, I got a call that my grandma was on life support down in FL... and she probably wasn't going to make it. I went from laughing hysterically to crying in a matter of 30 seconds.
Five days ago I got a phone call that she had indeed passed away. I went through most of my day in a fog. My closest friends knew... they also knew me well enough to know that a hug & an "I love you" would suffice as comfort. I didn't want to talk about it. That night was also the Cru kickoff. We had ~430 people show up. I was reminded yet again that God is awesome and he is moving here at GVSU.
High. Low. High. Low. High. Low. On and on and on.
Life has been a rollercoaster this past week. I'm ready for the shoulder restraints to be released so that I can get off the ride. But I know that this semester is just getting started, and the rollercoaster is sure to continue.
God, keep me focused on you. I'm going to need you more than ever this semester. Amen.
PS Sorry this is so scattered... this is what my brain has been like though. So many thoughts at once!
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Chaos.
The first week of school is pure chaos. No established routines. No "normal". I hate it. Two days down. Three to go.
I should currently be sound asleep... I have to be awake in ~7.5 hours. But... my mind has been going a million miles a minute for the past 48 hours. Classes. Schedules. Homework (already?!). Learning a new job. Friends. Cru. Ahhhh.
But then... when I suck it up and pull myself out of my own little Grand Valley bubble, I'm instantly reminded that no matter how insane my life gets, I'm living easy. College should be the least of my worries. My grandma is in the hospital. My cousin's vehicle got hit by a roadside bomb in Afghanistan (he's doing ok... but two guys in his unit didn't make it).
These are REAL problems.
Reading 3 sections for physics? Who cares.
God, I know that we all have our issues to deal with, but help me to constantly be reminded that I don't need to stress over the little stuff. Be with grandma, be with Timothy. Comfort them, Lord. Give me the strength and energy to get through these next 3 days. I love you, Lord.
"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken."
Psalm 62:5-6
I should currently be sound asleep... I have to be awake in ~7.5 hours. But... my mind has been going a million miles a minute for the past 48 hours. Classes. Schedules. Homework (already?!). Learning a new job. Friends. Cru. Ahhhh.
But then... when I suck it up and pull myself out of my own little Grand Valley bubble, I'm instantly reminded that no matter how insane my life gets, I'm living easy. College should be the least of my worries. My grandma is in the hospital. My cousin's vehicle got hit by a roadside bomb in Afghanistan (he's doing ok... but two guys in his unit didn't make it).
These are REAL problems.
Reading 3 sections for physics? Who cares.
God, I know that we all have our issues to deal with, but help me to constantly be reminded that I don't need to stress over the little stuff. Be with grandma, be with Timothy. Comfort them, Lord. Give me the strength and energy to get through these next 3 days. I love you, Lord.
"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken."
Psalm 62:5-6
Thursday, August 26, 2010
The View.
Campus View, that is.
I've been back in Allendale since Sunday. I'm so happy to be back... living on my own, being so close to all my friends, and being able to do my own thing. But being back is in a single word, weird. The only Grand Valley I've ever known is the Grand Valley with my brother and all of his friends here. Having them not be here is just weird. I have a feeling the first few weeks of the school year are going to be a tough adjustment. However, people graduate and move on with their lives every year, so I know I can too.
Getting past my debbie-downer moment, this year is going to be spectacular. My roommates are wonderful. My friends are the best a girl could ask for. In the few short days I've been here, a cake was baked, rotting chicken was disposed of, a dance party occurred in my kitchen, and there have been plenty of laughs. And some of my best friends aren't even back in Allendale yet... so things are only going to get better.
Bring it on, Fall 2010. I'm ready.
I've been back in Allendale since Sunday. I'm so happy to be back... living on my own, being so close to all my friends, and being able to do my own thing. But being back is in a single word, weird. The only Grand Valley I've ever known is the Grand Valley with my brother and all of his friends here. Having them not be here is just weird. I have a feeling the first few weeks of the school year are going to be a tough adjustment. However, people graduate and move on with their lives every year, so I know I can too.
Getting past my debbie-downer moment, this year is going to be spectacular. My roommates are wonderful. My friends are the best a girl could ask for. In the few short days I've been here, a cake was baked, rotting chicken was disposed of, a dance party occurred in my kitchen, and there have been plenty of laughs. And some of my best friends aren't even back in Allendale yet... so things are only going to get better.
Bring it on, Fall 2010. I'm ready.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Star Creator.
Stars.
Summer.
Simple beauty.
They said on the news tonight that it was the Perseid Meteor Shower. One of my absolute favorite things about summer is stargazing. And, since I live in the middle of nowhere, my own yard is the perfect place to see TONS of stars... no city lights to interfere! So, I grabbed some bug spray and a blanket and went to lay on the hood of my car. I only was outside for about 30 minutes, but I was able to see nine shooting stars!
The whole time, I couldn't help but think about the sheer amazing creativity that God must possess. I can't wrap my mind around it. He created all of those stars in that beautiful, clear August sky, and he knows each and every one by name. And the part that really gets me? That very same creative, all-knowing God... he cares about me. How cool is that??
God, thank you for your creativity and for the blessing of the beauty of your creation. Thank you for loving and caring for me - one tiny little piece of this universe. Remind me daily of that love, Lord. Amen.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"Mountain maker, ocean tamer
Glimpses of You, burn in my eyes.
The worship of heaven, fills up the skies
You made it all, Said "Let there be"
And there was, all that we see
The sound of your voice, the works of your hands
You do all things well, You do all things well, You do all things well
Star creator, wind breather
The strokes of Your beauty, brushed through the clouds
Light from the heavens, touching the ground"
--Chris Tomlin
Summer.
Simple beauty.
They said on the news tonight that it was the Perseid Meteor Shower. One of my absolute favorite things about summer is stargazing. And, since I live in the middle of nowhere, my own yard is the perfect place to see TONS of stars... no city lights to interfere! So, I grabbed some bug spray and a blanket and went to lay on the hood of my car. I only was outside for about 30 minutes, but I was able to see nine shooting stars!
The whole time, I couldn't help but think about the sheer amazing creativity that God must possess. I can't wrap my mind around it. He created all of those stars in that beautiful, clear August sky, and he knows each and every one by name. And the part that really gets me? That very same creative, all-knowing God... he cares about me. How cool is that??
God, thank you for your creativity and for the blessing of the beauty of your creation. Thank you for loving and caring for me - one tiny little piece of this universe. Remind me daily of that love, Lord. Amen.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"Mountain maker, ocean tamer
Glimpses of You, burn in my eyes.
The worship of heaven, fills up the skies
You made it all, Said "Let there be"
And there was, all that we see
The sound of your voice, the works of your hands
You do all things well, You do all things well, You do all things well
Star creator, wind breather
The strokes of Your beauty, brushed through the clouds
Light from the heavens, touching the ground"
--Chris Tomlin
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Safe.
I've been at camp the past 6 days. Camp Ao-Wa-Kiya. On Stony Lake. AKA My safe place.
We (support staff) have talked a lot this week about how camp is a safe place... for some people, it is their only safe place. I have other safe places, but camp is by far the best one. You're free to be yourself here at camp... people here are more real. More accepting. More willing to lend a listening ear, a hug or a good laugh. I can run around like a fool half the day, be cranky for a little bit, or have a serious conversation. All of these things are part of who I am, and I am totally free to be me (ala Francesca Battistelli haha). Shower? Haven't in two days. Make-up? Ha. Scrubby gym shorts, t-shirts, and hair all a mess? Yep. But who cares. Cause it's camp. And people here love me anyways.
I go home in approximately 9 hours. And I don't want to leave. Don't get me wrong... I LOVE my parents and friends at home... but everything here at camp is so much more simple. Unfortunately, I'm growing up. I know that in the future, I won't be able to spend as much time here. I hate it. In my heart, I wish that camp could be year round. But in my head, I know that would make it less special. Camp is something I look forward to all year long. I've been coming here every summer for 12 years. I have literally grown up here. And I wouldn't have it any other way. Forget Campus View. THIS is my second home.
This week has been amazing. Laughing hysterically. Cooking. Dutch Blitz. Glozell. Swimming. Kayaking. Making new friends. A Swinger engagement. Spending time with God. Living life in it's most simple form. Being safe.
Father God,
Thank you for this time here at camp. To renew and be filled with You. To build relationships. To laugh and enjoy the little things. Thank your for this place. For making it as amazing as it is. My life wouldn't be the same without it, and I thank you for that.
Amen.
We (support staff) have talked a lot this week about how camp is a safe place... for some people, it is their only safe place. I have other safe places, but camp is by far the best one. You're free to be yourself here at camp... people here are more real. More accepting. More willing to lend a listening ear, a hug or a good laugh. I can run around like a fool half the day, be cranky for a little bit, or have a serious conversation. All of these things are part of who I am, and I am totally free to be me (ala Francesca Battistelli haha). Shower? Haven't in two days. Make-up? Ha. Scrubby gym shorts, t-shirts, and hair all a mess? Yep. But who cares. Cause it's camp. And people here love me anyways.
I go home in approximately 9 hours. And I don't want to leave. Don't get me wrong... I LOVE my parents and friends at home... but everything here at camp is so much more simple. Unfortunately, I'm growing up. I know that in the future, I won't be able to spend as much time here. I hate it. In my heart, I wish that camp could be year round. But in my head, I know that would make it less special. Camp is something I look forward to all year long. I've been coming here every summer for 12 years. I have literally grown up here. And I wouldn't have it any other way. Forget Campus View. THIS is my second home.
This week has been amazing. Laughing hysterically. Cooking. Dutch Blitz. Glozell. Swimming. Kayaking. Making new friends. A Swinger engagement. Spending time with God. Living life in it's most simple form. Being safe.
Father God,
Thank you for this time here at camp. To renew and be filled with You. To build relationships. To laugh and enjoy the little things. Thank your for this place. For making it as amazing as it is. My life wouldn't be the same without it, and I thank you for that.
Amen.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Love.
Four little letters.
L - O - V - E.
Thousands of applications.
Friends. Family. Romance. Activities. Pets. Foods. Beverages. Colors. Clothes.
Love you (insert family member or friend). I love golf. I love my cat. I love ice cream. I love diet coke. I love blue. I love hoodies. Etc.
Can those four little letters really apply to all of those areas?
In the English language, yes. But in other languages... love is so much... more.
God's love - agape - is unconditional, self-sacrificing love.
In an effort to get my faith moving forward again, I've started a new bible study on God's love ("He Is My Life"). I'm five days in (a week, book-wise), and I really like it. This first week has simply focused on how God's love is so significantly different from the human love that is so prevalent in our culture today. God's love, in us, results in pure joy (John 15:10-11). He longs for a relationship with us... he wants to be our best friend... he wants to fill us with his love so that we may joyfully fill others.
Over the next 9 weeks, as I study and learn more about God's love, it is my goal and sincere hope that I will come to love others more... not because it is easy, but because it is what God calls us to do.
L - O - V - E.
Thousands of applications.
Friends. Family. Romance. Activities. Pets. Foods. Beverages. Colors. Clothes.
Love you (insert family member or friend). I love golf. I love my cat. I love ice cream. I love diet coke. I love blue. I love hoodies. Etc.
Can those four little letters really apply to all of those areas?
In the English language, yes. But in other languages... love is so much... more.
God's love - agape - is unconditional, self-sacrificing love.
In an effort to get my faith moving forward again, I've started a new bible study on God's love ("He Is My Life"). I'm five days in (a week, book-wise), and I really like it. This first week has simply focused on how God's love is so significantly different from the human love that is so prevalent in our culture today. God's love, in us, results in pure joy (John 15:10-11). He longs for a relationship with us... he wants to be our best friend... he wants to fill us with his love so that we may joyfully fill others.
Over the next 9 weeks, as I study and learn more about God's love, it is my goal and sincere hope that I will come to love others more... not because it is easy, but because it is what God calls us to do.
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